Suggestions for leading a study:

• Familiarize yourself with the passage in context, including the book itself.  Who wrote it to whom, and why?
• Read through the study guide a couple times to get the “big idea” as well as the flow of the argument
• Have the group read through the passage in it’s entirety before beginning the study.  One of the goals is to try to get your members to learn how to study Scripture methodically, and this is an important step.
• Be prayed up
• Have fun!
  

Take Me to Your Leader

²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Discussion Questions

-In verse 21, what is our motivation for mutual submission? 
            -Since this passage speaks to both parties submitting, what effect do you think it would have if one of them does not have a reverence for Christ?

-What two examples are mentioned in verses 22 and 24 of how a wife should submit to her husband?  When you think of individuals or the church submitting to Christ, do you think of Jesus having to “sign off” on everything they do, or is it better to think of it as allowing Christ to help them become everything that  they are capable of as worshipers of him?  How does that effect our understanding of a wife’s submission?

-What does verse 23 say about how a husband is the head of the wife?

-Verses 25-33 specify how a husband’s leadership in a marriage parallels Christ’s leadership in the church.  What things did Christ do for the church, and how can a husband’s leadership in a marriage accomplish those for his wife?  

-Read verse 33 again.  What role does a healthy self-image play in accomplishing godly leadership in a marriage? 

-In these descriptions of mutual submission as it applies to husbands and wives, who do you think has been given the greater burden?

-In chapter 6, verse 1, in what way do children obey their parents?  

What does this say about the importance of a right relationship to God in accomplishing this?

-What role does verse 4 give to Fathers?  How does this help children with the commandments in verse 3?

-In the mutual submission described in regards to parents and children, who has the greater burden? 

-Overall, what is the real goal of mutual submission in the home?

Leaders' Guide

This lesson looks at what submission in the home is really all about and how husbands and wives and parents and children can subordinate their own interests to the over-arching goal of helping each other in their spiritual growth.

-In verse 21, what is our motivation for mutual submission? 

This verse says that we submit to one another “out of reverence for Christ.”  Literally, this means “in fear of Christ.” The fear of the Lord in Scripture is not the same thing as what we experience when we feel we are in danger, but an acknowledgement of his authority—who is in charge.  In other words, the way we act toward each other, especially in the family as this passage illustrates, should be a reflection of the way we react to the Lord.  That means denying our natural tendencies to be self-centered and be willing to subordinate our needs and desires for the benefit of someone else.
            -Since this passage speaks to both parties submitting, what effect do you think it would have if one of them does not have a reverence for Christ?

The rest of this passage assumes that all parties have a reasonably healthy relationship to God through Christ.  To the extent that isn’t true in a family, a slavish devotion to these precepts in some kind of legalistic way could lead to real trauma.  Elsewhere Scripture affirms that spiritual mis-matches may even lead to the breakup of a union (see 1 Cor. 7:15).  It could be important to make sure everyone understands the assumptions made in this passage to come to a healthy understanding of the application of it. 

-What two examples are mentioned in verses 22 and 24 of how a wife should submit to her husband?  When you think of individuals or the church submitting to Christ, do you think of Jesus having to “sign off” on everything they do, or is it better to think of it as allowing Christ to help them become everything that  they are capable of as worshipers of him?  How does that effect our understanding of a wife’s submission?

            “as to the Lord” (v. 22), and “as the church submits to Christ” (v.24) are the two examples stated.  In other words, in the same manner that individuals as well as the gathered body of Christ subordinate their own agendas to his.  The rest of this question implies what this means—nowhere in Scripture is our subordinate relationship to Christ, either as individuals or the church, described as one of receiving our lists of “dos and don’ts”, or asking for permission for everything we choose.  It is instead one of allowing Christ to do the work of creating us into the people who naturally walk according to his ways.  There have been some who have interpreted this as a God-given veto to the husband over all the activities of the wife in a marriage relationship, regardless of his motives or his own relationship to Christ. It is better to see this as a description of the wife’s role in a dynamic spiritual partnership with the common goal of spiritual growth. 

-What does verse 23 say about how a husband is the head of the wife?

            This verse looks ahead to the next paragraph when it describes the husband as the head of a wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the church.  

-Verses 25-33 specify how a husband’s leadership in a marriage parallels Christ’s leadership in the church.  What things did Christ do for the church, and how can a husband’s leadership in a marriage accomplish those for his wife?  

            The ways in which a husband’s role as a leader in a marriage is specified and limited.  Christ can be the head of the church in the sense of punishment, discipline, and requiring obedience but those are not mentioned here.  In fact, the word “obey” does not occur here or anywhere else in Scripture in regards to the relationship of a wife to a husband.  The things that Christ did for the church that a husband should emulate are that he, 1. gave himself up for her (v.25)—he sacrificed his very life for her benefit.  2. he made her holy (vv. 26,27) so as to present her without any spiritual blemish, and 3. he feeds and cares for it (v.29).  Just how a husband’s leadership in the home can accomplish these could be the matter for much discussion, but it certainly is not about the abuse of power that some have allowed because of this passage.

-Read verse 33 again.  What role does a healthy self-image play in accomplishing godly leadership in a marriage? 

            To love someone as you love yourself obviously requires a fairly healthy sense of who you are in Christ.  This is not some self-centered narcissism, but the kind of self image that derives from a strong relationship to a God who loves you and created a universe for you to enjoy and an eternity that is certain.  Personal insecurities make for dysfunctional relationships at all kinds of levels and need to be dealt with in order to have the kind of family described in this passage.

-In these descriptions of mutual submission as it applies to husbands and wives, who do you think has been given the greater burden?

            Most commentators would say that the husband has been given the far greater burden when he is given a charge to love his wife as Christ did the church, especially in regards to the specific things mentioned in this passage that Christ did for the church.  If we take submission to mean the willingness to subordinate your own needs and desires for the benefit of others, the husband is called to literally lay down his life, if necessary, as well as work for the care and feeding of the wife and whatever else it takes to complete her spiritual formation.  Not a lot of room there for a selfish lifestyle.

-In chapter 6, verse 1, in what way do children obey their parents?  

What does this say about the importance of a right relationship to God in accomplishing this?

            Children obey their parents “in the Lord”, a phrase very similar to a wife’s submission “as to the Lord” mentioned in verse 22.  Again, a reasonably mature relationship to God is assumed here (as would be appropriate for whatever age group is in mind).

-What role does verse 4 give to Fathers?  How does this help children with the commandments in verse 3?

            Fathers are to bring up children in the training and instruction of the Lord.  This is a more down-to-earth description of the kinds of spiritual formation that verses 26-27 mention in regards to wives, who are said to be made holy and cleansed by the washing with water through the word.  The husband/father’s role is essentially the same—the spiritual growth of the children. 

-In the mutual submission described in regards to parents and children, who has the greater burden? 

            Here again, just obeying is easy compared to attempting the process of training and instruction in the Lord, something that requires not only the knowledge and ability to do that kind of training, but patience and creativity and everything else that goes along with comprehensive and effective education.  Again, the willingness of the parent to forego their own interests to ensure a good spiritual upbringing of the children can necessitate all manner of sacrifices.  Some discussion as to just how a parent needs to “submit” their interests to that of their children to accomplish this might be appropriate. 

-Overall, what is the real goal of mutual submission in the home?